Kyushu Storyline #4: Hokutofuji Debut

20150042Hokutofuji makes his makuuchi debut this Sunday. If you’re like, “Hoku-who-ji?”, you’re not the only one. He changed his shikona from Daiki. He’s a fast rising rookie, fresh off a Juryo yusho and has yet to have a losing record since entering sumo. In that manner, he’s very similar to Shodai except he’s spent one fewer tournament in Makushita. He’s making his debut at M11, one rank higher than Shodai’s debut. I expect some great things from him in the lower makuuchi but he’ll be contending with Ichinojo, Myogiryu, Kagayaki, and the always wily Sokokurai.

Along with Hokutofuji, Ishiura will make his debut, as well. He’ll start toward the bottom of the division at M15 with Toyohibiki and Gagamaru. He’s much smaller, has had a slower rise through Juryo, and hasn’t ever won more than 9 matches so I’m not expecting any special prizes out of Ishiura. But it will be great to see him up with the big boys.

元Kim Jong-un Sumo Debut in May

As the world is rightly aware, and has been widely reported, Kim Jong-un told his people to prepare to eat roots again. However, this is not due to famine as most media has speculated. In fact, Kim Jong-un has just eaten all of the food in North Korea; the country is known in Japanese as 北朝鮮 (kita cho sen). futotchoIt can now be disclosed why he has eaten all of the food. He’s been preparing to take the sumo world by storm. His debut will come in May. A source close to the dick-tater has revealed, exclusively to the Tachiai blog, a picture of his training (right). The now former Kim Jong-un has taken on the shikona 太っ朝 (ふとっちょ Eng: Futotcho).

The Tachiai blog wishes Futotcho the best in his new chosen career. Due to his stature, he will debut in the makuuchi division directly at the rank of Maegashira 7. He’s ballooned to such girth that odds makers are giving him a 25% chance of winning his debut tournament, only 15% less of a chance as being given to current champion, Hakuho. If he is able to win the May yusho, he will earn enough rice to feed 15% of the country…provided he hasn’t gorged himself on it before he leaves the Kokugikan.

*Update (4/1): We regret to inform that our anonymous source was discovered and has been executed. For the crime of this leak, he was dried and smoked to death and his corpse was shaved into katsuobushi-like flakes.